Were Expanding!

This is such exciting news and I have waited a long time to post it for a few reasons. We are expecting baby number 2 on November 2, 2011!

This past year has been crazy for us. Ava turned 2 in December 2009 and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have another baby, so we waited. I felt a little pressure as the months passed and the age difference increased between our children, but by May 2010 we both felt ready to bring another baby into our family. Never had the thought crossed my mind that things wouldn’t go smoothly and that the first month would result in a negative pregnancy test. Ava was a sudden blessing that took us both by surprise (I thought things would be lickity split fast again.) Then month 2 came and went with no news and so on and so on. By September (5 months) I was really beginning to think something might be un-right with one or both of us. I hadn’t been on birth control since Ava was born so I didn’t think that was the problem; however no one medical would even talk to us about the issue until we had tried for 1 year. As each month passed my frustration intensified and I often thought “Why us? What’s wrong? Why will no one talk to us about it? Will Ava be my only child? Is this punishment? Have I not been a worthy mother? I should accept it and move forward, others have bigger problems. Why does it seem like everyone is pregnant but me?

Dave told me not to take anymore pregnancy tests because even though I thought I was prepared for a negative result, when it actually happened I always fell hard, often ending in denial and another test a couple of days later or a cry fest while alone in the shower. In December 2010 I had a false alarm and was at my lowest emotionally. I had charted my cycles religiously and noticed that they were becoming farther and farther apart (averaging 45 days) so in February I decided to buy 2 ovulation tests and take them back to back, just to be sure I wasn’t missing that tiny 2ish day moment when everything lines up perfectly and you have the greatest chance of conceiving. The tough part about taking 2 ovulation kits means peeing on a stick every single day and seeing negative over and over again. Suddenly one evening (close to midnight) I took my test and saw a positive result. You would have thought it was a positive pregnancy by the way I reacted! I called Dave at work and with excitement pouring out of my mouth told him that my body was ready, we needed to act fast. It all felt so good but I knew that if it didn’t work I would hit a new rock bottom and finally schedule a 1 year fertility appointment.

The next 3 weeks went by so slow. I was itching to take a test and it took all of my energy not to think about it. One night early in March I decided to just take one, but not tell Dave (incase it was still too early.) I did it and saw nothing. I put the stick on the counter and washed my hands, by the time I placed the towel on the hanger and looked back again before tossing it in the trash; I saw an extremely faint double pink line. I sat down and called for Dave. While looking at him I wondered how long it would take him to notice the test on the ledge. He never saw it so I grabbed it and said “what do you see, 1 or 2 lines?” He agreed that there was a faint double line but didn’t believe it was a positive result. I took a test every day for 4 days and the line kept getting darker and darker. It had been 11 months but we were pregnant!

It’s a little hard to know that you are pregnant so early on. You want to spread the news but are cautious about whom you tell. You want to start buying stuff and looking up names but don’t know if you’re going to miscarry. We told family but waited for those crucial 3 months to pass, and after they had I still didn’t feel great about spreading the word. I had felt pain and sorrow for 11 months and I knew of friends who had felt that same pain plus more for a lot longer than we had. It didn’t feel right to go blurting our news out over blogger or facebook just yet. Every week I would think “this is the week; I’m going to call them and let them know personally.” But it never felt right. Five months passed and although I was scared to hurt people I cared about I made the call. It did hurt; I should have done it differently. I cried after hanging up but I know they love us and are genuinely happy. When you’re in the military amazing friendships are hard to make and I never want to jeopardize a great friendship.

It's a Baby Boy

In June we had our 22 week ultrasound. It went normal (as normal as a non-verbal ultrasound can.) They won’t and can’t tell you anything about the baby besides the sex. It was as clear as day that we are having a boy! I was in a bit of shock but Dave said he knew as soon as he saw the face. We were on cloud 9 until 48 hours later when I got a call from the doctor. My doctor happens to be a member of the church and also my home teacher so when he starts the conversation with “I’m calling on official doctor business” I started to freak out. He said that my placenta was completely covering my cervix and that I was now on complete “pelvic rest.” I was a high risk patient and that if any bleeding occurred I was to rush to the hospital. The baby had short femur bones (which could mean Down Syndrome) and was measuring in the 9^th percentile for growth. My innocence was completely stripped. We had always said we would never terminate a pregnancy and accept and love what God gave us, but when it’s in your face I’m ashamed to say, I had negative thoughts. Could we do this? Was I strong enough? Did I have the patience to endure for a life time?

I received a beautiful priesthood blessing of comfort from Dave, promising that I could enjoy this pregnancy and that whatever the outcome, it would be right for our family. I would love this baby boy and teach my young beehives at church that motherhood is a blessing and a privilege. Two weeks went by until we got our first glimpse of hope. We were referred to Addenbrookes hospital in Cambridge for a second opinion ultrasound. The doctor explained to us that growth charts are different between the UK and America, and that our baby was on the smaller side of normal, but still within the normal UK range. NORMAL was the best word I could have heard. Yeah he had femur bones that were shorter but still normal, although the placenta was still in complete previa and with little chance of fully pulling upward for a vaginal delivery. I tried to prepare myself for a tricky c section in Cambridge ending with the baby having a hopefully short stay in the NICU. It wasn’t until yesterday August 1, 2011 that I had this terrible weight lifted from my shoulders. We had the second Addenbrookes ultrasound and baby boy is clearly growing well and normal and that miraculously the placenta has moved an incredible distance in the past 3 weeks and has momentum to keep going. Vaginal delivery is possible!

I give thanks to my Heavenly Father for hearing the prayers of Dave and I as well as our extended families. Jesus Christ is truly my Savoir and friend; he has felt my pain and my worry and has taken it on himself. I rejoice at the thought of being a mother of 2 and can’t wait to hold our precious baby boy in my arms.

21 weeks Pregnant

23 weeks pregnant

26 weeks pregnant

A Day No Mother Ever Wants

On May 12, 2011 Ava and I started out our long day of errands by dropping off due books at the RAF Mildenhall library. It was no longer then 30 seconds after entering the door that Ava came running back to me (I was dropping the books into the return box) with a face covered in dark red blood. All I could say was "what happened?" A lady peeked through a row of books and said "she was running toward to kid section when she fell and bumped her head on the door frame." The calmness of this lady signaled to me that she had no idea as to just how hard Ava had hit. I don't think she had even seen any of the now almost pooling blood. I held Ava close looked up at the librarian guy and in my best panicked voice called out "I don't know what to do!"

How many times have I taken First Aid? Lets count, during every summer of swimming lessons, every year at Young Women camp, and multiple times during my short career as a child care worker in Germany. Yet when I need to remember basic things like keep the head elevated, compress the wound, call for help, and stay calm, I drew the most embarrassing blank. My mother skills didn't even kick in, except for the ones that kept me crying! If it wasn't for the amazing men who work at the library things would have been so different. They quickly rushed us back to a washroom, he then took paper towel and held it to Ava's inch and a half open cut. With no visible fear of skin to skin contact with human blood that man held the paper towel over Ava's forehead. He reminded me to stay calm because Ava was reacting to my fears. And he helped me wipe the blood almost dripping in her eye, while another librarian worker called for an ambulance.

Soon there were lots of people around all helping Ava. We rode in the ambulance to the Lakenheath hospital, which was a first time for me and Ava. She was scared stiff and wouldn't put her arms down the entire ride. She wasn't talking very much except to tell me that I had owies all over my hands (the dried blood.) In the emergency the on call doctor was extremely nice and said she had really hit her head but that it would be an easy stitch up since the wound was clean and straight, and almost to the bone. They wanted to put her out but she had eaten a package of Tinker-bell fruit snacks and that was a problem. Now they would have to numb her and they warned me that it would burn and hurt. My job was to hold down Ava's arms while they stabbed her wound 4 times, the most painfully hard thing I've ever done. I cried through the whole experience, while she tried not to move but kept repeating "stop, owie owie, stop!" I was told to sit down as I had turned white with shock as they began to stitch. A nurse kept me talking and calm while I stroked Ava's hand. She had 5 internal stitches and 6 external by the time everything was finished. When they finally let her sit up and had given her a bunch of princess stickers, she started to act normal again. Asking questions about the equipment and repeating all the colours of the blood vial's.

The emergency room had called Dave's squadron and they had contacted Dave in France. I was able to tell him what had happened and how Ava was doing. It's crazy how fast a normal day can turn ugly.

(May 12) After we got home from the hospital

(May 13) The next day, sore and tender

(May 14) obviously feeling a bit better, but she won't look at it in the mirror

(May 16) The night before the stitches came out

(May 17) Major Jardin was so sweet to Ava. Stitches came out easier than I thought

What it looks like today. She will always have some sort of scar but it looks a lot better then I thought, faint and light red.

Memorial Day 2011

Dave made it home (from his France deployment) just in time to celebrate Memorial Day. We attended service at Madingley American Military Cemetery, just outside Cambridge UK. It was a perfect day, not too hot with just a sprinkle here and there. I was so proud of Ava, she sat still, stood every time we were asked, held her hand over her heart during the anthem, and showed reverence during the laying of the wreaths. The little boys in front of us however didn't show much restraint. There was a nice fly over of 2 F-15 and a KC135 from local RAF Mildenhall and Lakenheath bases.

After we ate lunch at Nando's we spent a few pounds at the arcade. Ava and Dave rode the virtual motion ride a few times (much to my surprise, I thought Ava was scared of all things "RIDE") I took on the basketball hoop and Ava sped off on the motor bike and danced the revolution.

Royal Wedding in England

I'm such a sucker for romance and it was an amazing experience to be living in England when Prince William and Kate Middleton married at Westminster Abbey, April 29 2011. The entire country was in full pride with Union Jacks flying everywhere, and almost the entire month being devoted to celebration. A lady from church held a little Viewing Party at her home, where we ate scones and other yummies while watching the 2+ hours of wedding madness. I told Ava that a real life princess was going to be married on TV and she really liked seeing the couple ride away in the horse drawn carriage. Like a nerd I took pictures of the TV, but none of them turned out very good. These pictures are from PEOPLE magazine online.

Catherine's "something borrowed" was a Cartier "halo" tiara, loaned to her by Queen Elizabeth II.

There wasn't a whole lot of affection during the ceremony but I did notice the newlyweds steal a moment for themselves. I couldn't believe that they weren't allowed to kiss at the alter and wished they would have been given that privilege.

Introducing, HRH The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge! William and Kate make their exit from Westminster Abbey hand-in-hand.

Observing protocol while riding past the Cenotaph, William pays his respects with a salute while Kate bows her head. Maybe because we are a military family ourselves but I thought this was perfect.

I thought it was so special that they kissed twice while on the balcony. The crowds went wild and Kate blushed with love.

They had an eight-tier Fruitcake decorated with over 900 leaf and floral touches

The newlyweds drove out of Buckingham Palace in an Aston Martin convertible. The vintage car featured a license plate that read "JU5T WED" and a red "L" on the front, short for "learner's permit." He might be able to fly helicopters but he still needs that learners L.

Ava's Easter 2011

Easter was so late this year and poor Pops was gone so he didn't get to see Ava's excitement when she read the letter the Easter Bunny left. He said that he lad lost his eggs around our house and needed her to find them. She ran down stairs and immediately started collecting them for E.B. I was video tapping and helping her locate some of the hard to see eggs. She turned to me a few times and said "mama, I'm so happy" and " I love you Easter Bunny!" She went through the living and dinning room before looking through the blinds and seeing her JACKPOT of goodies.

We painted a birdhouse to celebrate the SPRING

Pops sent flowers for our 6th Anniversary, Ava loved how the delivery man handed them to her.

I invited Brett and Calli Nelson over for a turkey dinner. Normally we eat ham for Easter but we ate so much ham over the Christmas holidays that I opted for a delicious bird. Thanks to good friends it still felt like a holiday even though Dave was missing.

Ava extremely happy with her Easter goodies

A mouth full of chocolate and her new favourite princess movie.

Magical cheeping Chick

Were all ready for church with new outfits. Thanks Grandma Miller for the Easter dress.

After church our cul-de-sac had a bit of a block party, complete with bouncy castle and BBQ. It was nice to finally talk with our neighbours of 6 months. We live so close together and yet never have a moment to really get to know each other. This is Ava with Lucas, he is 6 months older then her and they love playing together. Lucas knocks on our door at least 3 times a day asking if she can come and play.

Last Days with Pops

If you knew that spending time with your husband was limited what would you do together? If you knew he would be gone for an unlimited amount of time, to a foreign (but safe) country, where he might have internet access and might have phone privileges how would you prepare? Now think about doing this with 1 days notice. Dropping him off only to find out 3 hours later you need to pick him up, and do it all over again in another 24 hours. To go through all the goodbyes again and get the phone call that once more things have been delayed for another 48 hours. Finally 4 days after his original departure date you once again drive him to his destination (this time getting out of the car only so you can hug and have a quick kiss) wave goodbye from the window and drive away, never to see him again (until the Air Force decides that you can.) This is the typical description of a extended TDY. . .

How about this "GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER LIBYA SO MY HUSBAND CAN COME HOME!"

We are extremely lucky as an Air Force family to have never gone through an actual deployment yet. Dave has been active duty for 8 years now and somehow we have never been called to give that kind of service. Which makes this TDY a seriously big deal for us. To make matters worse it all happened so quickly. There was no time to really be sad (although I found a moment or two) there was no organized plan of flying home and visiting with family (my parents had already bought tickets to visit England 6 weeks from Dave's departure) and no way to get a 3.5 year old to understand what was happening.

Surprisingly we spent our last days doing normal things. Dave mowed the grass and changed the propane on the BBQ. I did every scrap of laundry, made dinner and bought him last minute shower supplies. We watched movies in our pajamas and fell asleep on the couch. We tried new restaurants and took a family outing to a petting farm. There were evening walks and playing in the park. We kissed and kissed and kissed some more, every time trying to hold onto the feeling of our actual lips touching. Oh the pride and pleasure it is to have a husband in the military, but the pain and loneliness that sometimes comes with duty is hopefully shorted lived in the Miller family.

The Church Farm Petting Zoo

Trying out a new restaurant in Mildenhall

Last breakfast (turned out to be the 3rd to last)

Final photos (Ava was literally pulled from bed, so she looks rough for a reason)

We love and miss you Pop's, come home safe and soon!