It hurts to wait

This is a way for me to type out my feelings straight from my heart. I know of friends and family who have waited longer and are still waiting to have their little miracles come from heaven. These are my personal feelings that I want to express.

Have you ever wanted something so bad that it hurts? Praying, fasting and of course trying trying trying haven't worked. Never did I ever think this would be me. I want a second baby so bad. I waited until I thought it was the "perfect time" when I was completely ready, and that everything was planned out so well. Well time was perfect for me but not the Lord. I can't help but feel like maybe I'm being punished for not constantly saying my prayers or for privately groaning when I'm asked to serve in another high intensity calling at church. The couple that lives behind us, who always fight and curse and don't even look like they like each other let alone love one another seem to be blessed with 3 children, why not me? It was all so easy with Ava, a surprise pregnancy, flawless 9 months, long but uncomplicated labor, and a perfectly healthy baby. Maybe that's just it maybe the next one won't be such a breeze, maybe I need the time and distance between children to recharge my system for a more complicated situation. My thoughts can get pretty random and completely irrational, but don't these thoughts sit at the back of every mothers mind? I know one day I will have another little angel to hold and love and teach but obviously not today or 9 months from today but hopefully it won't take years. Every month that goes by and every test that comes back negative means Ava is one month closer to 3 years, 4 years. . . I want my family to grow and it hurts to wait!

I would love your comments but for personal privacy I won't publish any comments under this post.

Oh No Mom

Oh no Mom, you have all these pictures that no one has ever seen! Lets do a crazy blog.

This is what happens when Ava decides Jessie needs more food.

This is what happens when I try to go for a bike ride with a child who hasn't had a nap!

This is princess Ava in the Disney Store, with Sleeping Booty! (that's what Ava says)

Goofing around in the Mildenhall BX fitness section.

listening to her first set of headphones, listening to Papa's Ipod

A while back I blogged about this Oreo cake pan and Mom Miller bought it for me for Christmas. This was the first time I made it and it was delicious. I went the ice cream cake route,adding mint chocolate chip ice cream in the center.

Dave calls this picture "Nerd Ava"

Waiting for Dave in the car. Ava put Lamby in her car seat and buckled her in.